SEX!

Hola, bitches!

How are we all? Good? Good! I, too, am good. More than good, in fact. I have decided to whip myself into shape. I took up Pilates! I don't even know what Pilates fucking is, but it's doing wonders -- just look at me, I'm glowing like a pregnant woman!

Anyhoo. Dramatic physical transformations aside, Angry Puppet has been beavering away at a new project. You'll love this one. IT'S MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY! Heheh.. beavering.

My autobiography is expected to hit the shelves just before Christmas this year. The working title is SEX: The Angry Puppet Story. My PR team came up with the title. They told me sex sells. Eyeroll! Oh fucking well. Ridiculous title or not, SEX: The Angry Puppet Story will map my metamorphosis from forgotten youngest child in a family of seven (or nine? I'm not sure), to my rising star as an eccentric poet/songwriter, blogger and literary stalwart, A-list party boy, and eventual revered cult hero. I can guarantee it will be uncensored, uncut, shocking and mildly exploitative. No detail will go unwritten! Especially that chapter about my recurring skin mycoses (athlete's foot, jock itch, ringworm ... you name it, Angry Puppet's had it).

It will be Angry Puppet as you have never seen him before, AND, may I also point out, there will be no ghost writers!!! Angry Puppet is writing the thing 100% himself from cover to cover. Angry Puppet abhors ghost writers! Angry Puppet says "NO" to ghost writers! However, to ghost busters, ghost dogs, ghost trains and the movie Ghost, Angry Puppet says "YES"!

Okay, I must get back to it. I'm in the middle of the chapter where I talk about my chance encounter with Dr Phil, and how it made me question my belief in the necessity of surnames. Love you's all. Over and out.

New direction: COMEDY DUO???

Hi all,

Again, I apologise for the lack of activity on this blog. This time, it was due to Angry Puppet taking a trip back to the Mother Country to visit his parents. His parents did, in fact, have wireless internet. But they didn't know the password. Boomer Generation huh. Eyerollery!

Anyway. Nothing much has changed; I'm still trying to find a way to refresh my act. The Political Comedy bit didn't take off. Snoresville! Nor did my Observational Comedy routine -- I mean, sheesh ... there's only so many observations one can make about airplane peanuts. What's the deal with them? And that's about it.

I think I've worked out what's wrong with my act: I'm missing a partner.

I need a straight guy around which to base my crazy slapstick antics. A Laurel to my Hardy, if you will. A Richard Willcock to my Geoff Symons. Unfortunately, very few folk share my layered, screwballish and irreverent outlook. Nor do they possess such razor-sharp wit or impeccable comic timing. Most of the people Angry Puppet associates with are dropkicks and/or public servants. This does not bode well.

So this is the dealio..

Me: I'm a puppet, sandy blonde-brown hair, medium build, beguiling face. I'm looking for a comic partner who is attractive but not too attractive, as I think it works better if I'm the pretty one. I'm willing to experiment with weaving music into our routine. I'm a competent flautist; I own a glockenspiel, and someday hope to play it.

You: You've had stage experience, either in the comic arena or other related field (ie poetry reading). You have your own transport (Angry Puppet doesn't drive, I need someone to take me places). You will be willing to forfeit the limelight and let Angry Puppet take over if need be; you will remain quiet during interviews. You will not make guest appearances on Spicks & Specks, Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?, Thank God You're Here, et al. Remember: You are the straight man in our routine. You stand in one spot, and I dance around you.

I think that's all. Drop me a line if this sounds like something you would be interested in. I shall be holding auditions next week. I very much look forward to creating comedy magic with you.

Okay, I should get back to work -- State Government needs me. Much love,

-Angry Puppet.

Me + You = Comedy gold