New direction: Political comedy

So, um.

*flicks through newspaper*

How about those three prominent Turkish ex-military leaders being held on suspicion for trying to provoke conflict with Greece and thus pave way for a coup? How about it, huh? Turkey's Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erodgan is all "No comment" on it. That's typical Recep Tayyip Erodgan for you ... always the smooth operator, that guy. Anyway. Turkish military affairs specialist Gareth Jenkins suggests these recent arrests could trigger a "major crisis". It hasn't yet, though. But it might.

...There's got to be a joke in there somewhere.

*Cough*

*flicks further through newspaper*
So former US vice-president Dick Cheney has taken ill. Looks like he's got "chest pains". Hmm. Apparently the batteries in his defribrillator were replaced in July 2007. Maybe they should take a look at replacing the batteries in his.. ya know.. in his personality. Or something. Or his political career. Um.

What else? *flicks through newspaper*

British PM Gordon Brown has a whole bunch of bullying claims stacking up against him. Oh boy. Gee. Boy oh boy. That's gotta be damaging. Though come to think of it, this whole article is speculative. Jesus. Does anything ever happen in politics?

*flicks through newspaper*

Oooh, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have gone public with their relationship. I knew they were having it off with each other! I could feel it in my puppety waters. Go forth and breed greasy babies, kids!

New Direction: Observational Comedy

So what's the deal with bottled water? I mean, seriously. Is this the Apocalypse? Is water suddenly a "precious" resource we have to purchase? I mean, come on! Two thirds of the planet is water! It's so goddamn common I can make it myself by breathing on a piece of glass and voila, we have water. I mean. Come on. Seriously.

And what's the deal with speed dating? Am I right guys? We have speed dials, speed limits, there's that movie Speed.. what's up with speed?

And what's the deal with Keanu Reeves? Is he Asian or what? Because he totally looks Asian. Am I right, guys? You know what I'm talking about.

What's the deal with getting drunk? It's like, yeah, hey, check me out, I'm stupid. Oh and check this out, I'm phenomenally aggressive and whoaaa, what's going on now, suddenly I'm curled up in a foetal ball sobbing like a little girl. What's up with that?

What's up with heroin? I mean. Seriously! Have you people not seen Trainspotting? Does any part of that whole operation look in the slightest bit "cool" or "hip"? What about those "Choose Life" posters? Nothing cool about them.

And what's the deal with unprotected sex? It's like when we threw fondu parties back in the 70s and everyone was dipping their forks in the same pot of melted chocolate, if you know what I mean, and then we're all like, oh hey, what's up with this crazy gonorrhea shit? Where did that come from? You know? I mean, seriously.

What's the go with single-celled organisms? It's like, the rest of us have all evolved into complex multi-cellular powerhouses. Why can't you? Go big or go home, that's what I say. You know? I mean, seriously.

And what's the deal with John Mayer? I mean, that guy has banged pretty much every eligible lady in Hollywood and his music is about as inspiring as ... ah fuck it, I'm going to bed.

Qwerty

Dear Puppeteers,

I apologise again for the recent inactivity on this blog. Angry Puppet has been experiencing an intense lack of giving a shit lately. I have plotted out a line graph to help you better understand what I am going through:



I call this the Chart of Caring. Along the x axis (or maybe it's the y axis, I don't fucking know), I have listed percentages up to 100 which indicate my level of enthusiasm. The other axis has been divided into two periods of time: Then and Now.

As you can see, my capacity to give a shit has dropped from 90% (Then) to 10% (Now). You should try updating a blog you give 10% of a shit about. It's hard work!

Anyway. I don't want y'all to be alienated. Angry Puppet just needs you to understand a little. It's not easy being angry.

In the meantime, please amuse yourselves at http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/. I consider this website an inspiration to one-trick ponies the world over.

Speak soon, dudes!

Photobomb

Hmm.

So this entry was going to be about how Angry Puppet is jumping on the "Photobomb" omnibus -- but unfortunately the picture above is ridiculously unconvincing. That is some truly terrible Photoshop work. Adobe: on behalf of our Creative Director, Dave -- hang your head in shame, Dave! -- I apologise for this outrageous misrepresentation of the capabilities of your program(s).

Anyway. Angry Puppet needs go wax his chest now. He's going through an "open shirt" phase. Shamone!

Jump the sharks

Click to enlarge, dudes!