So what's the deal with bottled water? I mean, seriously. Is this the Apocalypse? Is water suddenly a "precious" resource we have to purchase? I mean, come on! Two thirds of the planet is water! It's so goddamn common I can make it myself by breathing on a piece of glass and voila, we have water. I mean. Come on. Seriously.
And what's the deal with speed dating? Am I right guys? We have speed dials, speed limits, there's that movie Speed.. what's up with speed?
And what's the deal with Keanu Reeves? Is he Asian or what? Because he totally looks Asian. Am I right, guys? You know what I'm talking about.
What's the deal with getting drunk? It's like, yeah, hey, check me out, I'm stupid. Oh and check this out, I'm phenomenally aggressive and whoaaa, what's going on now, suddenly I'm curled up in a foetal ball sobbing like a little girl. What's up with that?
What's up with heroin? I mean. Seriously! Have you people not seen Trainspotting? Does any part of that whole operation look in the slightest bit "cool" or "hip"? What about those "Choose Life" posters? Nothing cool about them.
And what's the deal with unprotected sex? It's like when we threw fondu parties back in the 70s and everyone was dipping their forks in the same pot of melted chocolate, if you know what I mean, and then we're all like, oh hey, what's up with this crazy gonorrhea shit? Where did that come from? You know? I mean, seriously.
What's the go with single-celled organisms? It's like, the rest of us have all evolved into complex multi-cellular powerhouses. Why can't you? Go big or go home, that's what I say. You know? I mean, seriously.
And what's the deal with John Mayer? I mean, that guy has banged pretty much every eligible lady in Hollywood and his music is about as inspiring as ... ah fuck it, I'm going to bed.
No comments:
Post a Comment