It happened the usual way: last school bell of the day had just rung out, so we retreated to the sports shed at the back of the hockey field and did it there. Best seven seconds of my life. She ruled the schoolyard. Her hair smelled like popcorn and Fruity Loops.
Then she ditched me for an introspective douche nozzle named Kevin. Honestly! I've never met a more impertinent, navel-gazing douche in my life. Smugness oozed from every pore on the kid's body. He was forever banging on about the end of his childhood, it was all My First Guitar this and Peace Rally that, blah blah blah, just discovered Dad Has Feelings Too and Mum's a Complex Woman. Oh boy, if I could go back, I'd put an end to his childhood. I'd end his fucking childhood so fast he wouldn't know what hit him. Feel the wrath, Kevin! You lousy, watered-down version of Angry Puppet.
Ugh. Angry Puppet needs to go eat his feelings now. Over & out.
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